Barton's Blog

Emotionally, it's been a long couple days. March 4th and 5th marked another year without my aunt and cousins. This year it makes 17 years. It really doesn't even seem possible for that much time to have passed. Contrary to what I originally believed the days have gotten easier and back normal, but birthdays, milestones, and anniversaries are still kind of rough. Those days it really is hard not knowing who they would have been. I don't think the missing them part ever goes away, but I wouldn't want to ever stop missing them anyway. I was so crazy about my Aunt Tammy, Rikki, and Cody. Reflecting on everything I wanted to pinpoint just a few of the wonderful things they brought to my life, what I remember most about them, and what I hope to have brought away from knowing them. I hope that I can make my nieces and nephews feel as loved and important as my Aunt Tammy made me feel. I will never doubt the love she had for all of us kids. I hope Kelsi and I will always remember no matter how busy life gets to laugh, joke, confide in each other, and cry together like Aunt Tammy and Mom did. I would have never believed you if you would have told me my aunt wasn't perfect. Turns out she wasn't, but I hope it serves to remind me to be kind, compassionate, and helpful to people in all situations. I hope my girls can find best friends in their cousins, a partner in crime like Trevor and Rikki. That they will ask us one day to help ask the Lord to live in their heart like Rikki asked Granny. I know I will always remember the first sweet baby boy I got to help with, the one who made me know I wanted kids one day. I have so many cherished memories of them. Though life did go on, and I was stronger than I once thought I was, I will never forget them and how they made me feel. I hope they knew how much they meant to me and I loved them as well. There is a part in Courageous where the preacher says(and this is paraphrasing. I couldn't find the exact quote.): "You can choose to blame God for losing him/her or thank him for the time you did have". I am very thankful for the time we had.