I would spend my days dreaming what it would be like to be a mom to these twin girls. I had pictured them looking the same and nothing alike. I often wondered if I would ever be able to tell them apart. Or raise them calling them by the wrong names, which would inevitably lead to years of therapy. Aside from my irrational and rational fears I was overcome by love. I could burst into tears of joy just thinking of the moment I'd meet them.
On August 25th at 5:02 in the morning, or a few minutes of extreme worry and confusion about how my internal organs were holding up later, I knew the day was here. By ten a.m. I was a mother to my sweet Raiden and Paiten.
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| We spent my pregnancy thinking Baby A would be Paiten. We had decided the first baby Bobby held would be named that. Much to our surprise Bobby held Baby B before Baby A. |
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| Hear me roar. This is them completely. |
I can't believe our Josie and Jewels are going to be four! I can now laugh at the thought of never being able to tell them apart, and the thought of them going by the wrong names only occasionally crosses my mind. Life with these two has been a great blessing and "grand abenture", as they say. They are always challenging me to have more patience, to find what they prefer as individuals, to live life at their carefree, "Momma, it'll all be okay" pace, and to be a better example through more walk and less talk. Some days are easier than others, but at the end of the day the girls I thought I would be teaching and cheering on are teaching and cheering me on, as well.They make me strive to be a more forgiving person, to offer it as free and readily as they do. They are my reminder that a silly dance break, in an otherwise busy day, helps everything flow more nicely. They are full of hope. A sweet reminder of how big the little things really are. How riding a horse for the first time can fulfill their wildest dreams. Also, my revelation of how little some little things are. How every tiny detail doesn't have to be perfect to me to be perfect to them. They are my songbirds, who remember their favorite melodies, so they can make a drive more surprising. "I bet you're surprised I was remembering all the words, huh?". They are my smile when I cannot find my own. They truly are my sunshine . They are eager to learn and grow. They are hand holding and compromise, if it will cheer sister up...and the planets are aligned just right. They are the protectors of one another and their baby. They are each others built in best friend/all time favorite wrestling partner. They are imaginative, caring, smart, silly, beautiful, ornery, and full of life.
They tromp around the yard clad in underwear and "glass slippers". They confidently dress in costume through the store aisles. "I'm an old time cowboy, if you can't tell", they casually mention to our cashier. To my girls a princess is supposed to be spunky, never afraid of hard work, or doing ballet covered in mud. They are repeated talks of the appropriate times and places to wear "real clothes" and the burning question of "Girls, where are your shoes?!". They feel lovely in swirly skirts. They are a wonderful mess, a delicate mix of all girl and tomboy.
They admire their daddy to the fullest extent a girl possibly could. Doughnuts and ice-es are a special treat that tastes sweeter when bought with him. It doesn't matter if they are doing yard work, at the park, scoping out the deer woods, Jeepin', at the "work store" (Ace) or simply cleaning his shop with him it's always a good time. One that will be relived for weeks, through re-creation and storytelling. They are his reason for his early mornings and late nights. His baby girls are his gentle nudge to slow down. They are his knockdown hugs and Eskimo kisses. They are his daddy daughter breakfast dates. His BMF arm flexers "cause I'm tough, like my Daddy". And, well, his soft spot when they maybe aren't so tough too.
They are holding on to each other, while testing out their wings. Raiden kicks a ball through the yard, while Paiten is twirling around her. They are keeping countless shared interest while declaring their personal favorites. They reserve what is special to each other for one another, while finding a balance of still letting sister in on their thing. They are discovering the art of dressing nothing alike "so people won't call me my sister's name", but only when they don't feel like dressing the same. They are often identified by their smiles. Paiten greets people with a shy, sweet smile. Raid is more likely to give those she knows a mischievous, crinkle nose grin. They have little quirks that set them apart. Raid may act like I am ripping all her hair out while putting it up, but is most likely still going to have it up at the end of the day. Pait loves having her hair put up, but may pull it down minutes later. Paiten wants to be a teacher. Raiden wants to be an animal doctor. They are figuring out what it means to be yourself, even if people can't always tell you apart. They embrace what makes them different and what makes them alike.
Josie
Jewels
These girls are everything wonderful I dreamed, that August, they would be. They were worth random strangers odd comments, then and now, months of swollen feet, a summer drowning in sweat, and especially the wait. Four years later I continue to be overwhelmed by the joy my big girls bring me.
